Communcating What You Want

People who've always been dependent on others for some kind of charity or goodwill often have a hard time saying what they really want because usually no one asks them. And if they are asked, the poor often think no one really wants to hear the truth.
--Jaqueline Novogratz in The Blue Sweater

Seth Godin sent me a copy of The Blue Sweater, which has the subtitle, Bridging the Gap Between Rich and Poor in an Interconnected World. It's about how she is building a new paradigm of aid to poor countries, one in which the recipeints of aid, mostly impoverished women, are expected to pay back the small loans they apply for.

Novogratz shows how in many cases international aid leaves its recipients worse off then before. It's not that we shouldn't help each other, but help is not a matter of throwing some money at a charity and feeling all superior about it.

However, Novogratz' observation about how her poor clients have a hard time articulating what they really want; it's almost as if they never dared to contemplate their inner desires.

Many of us in the wealthier part of the world have the same problem. Not because no one has ever asked us what we want, but because we want so badly to do the right thing, to please others, so that they, in turn, will do our will, and take care of us.

My grandmother tried to teach me a lesson like this a long time ago. She had asked me what I wanted for lunch, and I replied that it didn't matter. She let me know that it did matter, that she was asking me because she wanted to know, and that it was not helping anyone to pretend that I didn't care. I should care.

In our communication, especially a formal presentation, the first step is to be absolutely crystal clear about what it is we want. Not what we're supposed to want.

Thinking like this takes practice. The next time someone asks you what you want for lunch, say something. You can even practice, thinking ahead about how you would answer.

And if you think that you really don't care, you're probably denying part of yourself. If that's the case, you can start writing a list of things you like, and another list of things you don't like.

And in honor of today's Christian holiday, let me suggest that Jesus didn't spend his life trying to please the right people. I don't think he was remembered as such a "nice" person.

Work of Art or a Piece of Work?

Last week-end I met the poster-child for the Feminine Entrepreneurial Model of Business. She's a brilliant software engineer who loves quilting. No longer a quilter on the side, she has become the owner of a web-based art boutique that sells high-end textile art. Incredibly cool.


Or, there was also the family therapist who's also a musician, who now has a thriving coaching practice. Or the nurse who's establishing a national organization for her specialty in the medical world. Or the banker who decided to move to a part of the country where she felt she could experience authentic community more fully.

It was an incredible eye-opening experience.

It's a total refusal to accept the inevitability of the compartmentalization process we often go through to fit in, to get the job, or get accepted by some group or institution that doesn't really take the time to get to know us. As one friend put it, she looks good on paper, but she doesn't want to accept life in the cookie-cutter career, or any predestined life in a cubicle.

To communicate well, you need to know who you are, even those parts of you that don't fit your current job description. Trying to shrink yourself to fit in everyone else's expectations of you doesn't work for long; eventually you pop out of the mold, or overflow, or part of you breaks down.

You probably realize that many people in this dilemma, true to self or to the organization, avoid even thinking about it by keeping themselves VERY busy.

The next time you prepare a presentation for a group, think about sharing a part of you that people don't know exists. You can probably think of a way to relate that to your business message, and make that message more effective and attractive in the process.

The Power of the Mastermind: Is it for You?

This is to let you know what a mastermind group is like. Christine is right when she says it's not about feeling comfortable the whole time.

by Christine Kane

"Without doubt, the most common weakness of all human beings is the habit of leaving their minds open to the negative influence of other people."
- Napoleon Hill

Mastermind groups have been around for centuries. Many people attribute the popularity of the mastermind to Napoleon Hill's classic book Think and Grow Rich. Hill studied the richest men of the early 1900's, and wrote the book as part of his research. One of the common practices of those wealthy men was that they all took part in a mastermind, helping each other solve problems and move forward in their goals.

These days, women, creatives, and right-brain entrepreneur types are designing new models of the mastermind - and the results are even more powerful and holistic than the masterminds of the early 20th century. As someone who is self-employed, an artist, an entrepreneur, and often alone - I'm a huge fan of this model (in addition to coaching) because it connects me with like-minded people. Otherwise, it's just too easy to get isolated and stuck. And grouchy! :-)

But what exactly is a mastermind? And how do you know if it's for you? Below are six elements of a mastermind group. This will give you an idea of how they work and whether or not you'd like to form a mastermind, or join one.

1 - A Mastermind moves you forward. Support groups are wonderful because they can help heal a trauma or addiction. A mastermind group, however, is not a support group. A mastermind is about moving you forward and helping you achieve a dream or a goal. Even if the goal is simply "an authentic happy life," the mastermind group is about forward motion, not healing the past. This is why many people who try to form casual masterminds wind up disappointed. To sustain forward movement, all members have to hold that level of energy, and set an intention to keep that momentum! This is not always an easy task!

2 - A Mastermind Group is about positive mindsets. Whining is not an option! In a Mastermind, each person gets an allotted amount of time to present her vision to the group. The person presents her current goals, dreams, and, of course, challenges. She might shed some tears, as this is a natural expression of energy release. But there is little room for whining or staying stuck. Some mastermind groups allow for a five-minute whining period. But then the focus moves back into getting unstuck. Mindsets are a huge part of the mastermind.

3 - A Mastermind Group won't make you comfortable. When you join a Mastermind group, you know it's not going to be about hanging out in your comfort zone. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons people want to take part in a Mastermind! They know that success rarely comes from inside their comfort zones. Masterminds are effective because they require you to expand beyond your old limits.

4 - A Mastermind Group holds you accountable. My Platinum Coaching and Mastermind Group will meet in person three times this year. After our first meeting last week, it became clear that not one of these women will show up for the next meeting without having accomplished the next steps of her dreams and goals. That's because group energy is powerful. The group is a "team." Team spirit is contagious. And there's wisdom in accountability!

5 - A Mastermind generates ideas and resources. When a circle of people gives their full attention to one person and her dreams, all kinds of ideas are generated. Resources and connections are often discovered in the process. This is a huge benefit to taking part in any group.

6 - There is a mystical quality to the Mastermind. If I neglected to mention the mystical, I would be hiding a major element of the Mastermind. Napoleon Hill put it this way: "No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind."

In other words, the intention of the group creates a higher intelligence that is guiding the group and moving it forward. I don't discuss this much, but I have felt it in my Platinum group, as well as in the group led by my coach. The awareness of this "third" mind helps me trust that even when things get uncomfortable or scary for me or one of the participants - there is something bigger happening.

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?See Christine's blog - Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous - at ChristineKane.com/blog.

Communication from the Inside Out

Before continuing to post about the Feminine Entrepreneurial Model of Business, it's good to take a moment to see how this paradigm shift affects communication in general, and presentation skills in particular.

The difference is an emphasis on preparing your mind and heart, rather than focusing on techniquie and closing (which are important, but secondary.) The bottom line is, your effective presentation starts with your mindset. And it's not one of (the Brain) trying to figure out how to get your audience (Pinky) to do your will.

(If you haven't seen Pinky and the Brain, go order some episodes.)

When you're clear about who you are, and what you want to say, or share, with your audience, you will be effective.

When you can get yourself in front of a group of people, and take advantage of that present moment you have to share your message, you won't feel anxiety.

When you remember that your people will support you, and those who are not your people, are not your concern, you can relax.

When you acknowledge that you can handle ANYTHING, that you've always handled everything that appeared in your life, you exude a contagious confidence.

There's a magic that happens when a speaker/teacher/presenter can forget about herself, get into her story, and connect at a deep level with her audience. That's communication from the inside out.

Feminine Entrepreneurial Model Competes Differently...And You Get to Have Fun

Yesterday I introduced the new Feminine Entrepreneurial Model of Business. You could also call it a better way of living; you don't actually have to start a business, or own one, to participate.

The paradigm of competition of the FEMB differs from the traditional, Taylor-imbued way of doing business. Not that Mr. Division-of-Labor Taylor was wrong, his innovation helped bring us to where we are and the incredible productivity we all enjoy. But now we get to be productive, and experience work-life at a more fulfilling level.

Old Model says Compete for Customers Based on Value.

Make it better, make it cheaper, make it do more things faster. That is what the traditional model instructs. And it's certainly necessary to offer value, but it's more rewarding to do it from a deeper level of being who you really are.

New Feminine Model says Attract Customers through Trust and Authenticity.

Mixonian has written on relationship-based marketing before; that's one perspective of the new model. The way the economy is developing, trust has become indispensable for winning clients. A client who trusts you will work with you, and even pay more than the supposed "best value" in town.

Trust is built upon authenticity; people can sense what you're really about, even without seeing you. Pretending to be interested in something that you're not, will come to the surface in one way or another.

In both of her books, Chellie Campbell relates how she lost her best client because the client picked up on the fact that she had lost interest in her bookkeeping business. It's not that she told him anything, or stopped showing up at work; he simply knew. Now she runs a different business.

At my mastermind coaching week-end, this truth made me extremely uncomfortable. Pretending to want to be a tenure-track professor fools no one, and leads no where. Either you learn a new perspective on your job so that you perceive value in it, appreciate it, apart from the pay, or you change employers.

Do you see how this affects everyone, not just business owners?

Even if you work in a real company and get a real deposit in your bank every 2 weeks, you really are in business for yourself. Your employer is your client, even if you work in education or the not-for-profit world.

While showing up for work is required to stay employed, it's far from sufficient. And working yourself to a thread, i.e. burn-out, isn't sustainable either.

According to the old molel, employees get paid solely based on their production, or the appearance of production -- looking busy even when you're not.

In the new model, seeing your job as a way to express yourself, connect with others in a meaningful way and add value from a standpoint of being yourself, is the ultimate job security.

New Feminine Entrepreneurial Business Model

You could call it the "Metamorphosis Model," or the "Synthetic Model," but there is most definitely a new way of doing business. This new, feminine model allows people to work in a more fulfilling and flexible way than what the traditional model allowed. It's the result of women getting into business for themselves on a huge scale, and in a new highly profitable way.

Of course women have always been in business, making money is what's new-ish about it. If you consider all the things women have had to do to keep a family operational throughout the centuries, you realize that women have always done a lot of different things seemingly at the same time. We're just like that.

This new model challenges everything Frederick Taylor, the Father of Scientific Management, taught us. We see the fruit of Taylor's influence everywhere - it's the automatization, finding the best way to do a thing and then doing it that way over and over, chopping up tasks into several pieces, and in general, you could see it as at dehumanization in the workplace. The feminine model of entrepreneurship leaves Mr. Taylor in the dust.

Consider the differences between the old model and the feminine model about the division of labor:

Old Model Division of Labor

Divide up a job so that 5 people do the same, small repetitive task for 8 hours a day. Get a supervisor to make sure these workers don't go out and get all creative on you, changing the "best" way to do the task.

Feminine Model Division of Labor

Ruthlessly delegate what you don't like to do. Find a personal assistant who will cheerfully file, answer the phone, walk your dog, and take your clothes to the cleaners. She's happy to do this because she gets to work in a fun and relaxed environment and has a lot of control over the hours she works.

The boss does stuff she likes to do, like writing marketing materials, thinking up new informational products, and keeping in touch with customers.

The feminine model is a humane way of doing business that gives everyone the chance to contribute at a different level. It's not a sewing circle in that people are just sitting around, chatting, and doing their sewing and not going anywhere.

It's working with traditional tools like goals, strategic planning, production and marketing, in a way that synthesizes individual strengths. One of the supporting concepts for this model is that people who love their jobs, do them better.

Growing Pains in Today's Economy

You probably remember those strange old pains in your legs and arms...your parents told you they were "growing pains." Sure enough, soon afterwards, you needed new clothes.

Businesses and all organic organizations also experience "growth pain" -- but it shows up differently. It's still painful.

Organizational growth pains often manifest in a systems breakdown. It could be the computer system, the parking system, the production, whatever, things simply cease to function well because the system is under too much stress.

In case you're wondering what growth pains have to do with a communication and personal development blog, it's a great excuse, and actually the real reason, for having disappeared for a few days.

Growing pains of this tiny-but-mighty enterprise led to several systemic breakdowns last week, which temporarily halted the production of blog posts that enlighten, engage, and entertain, as well as any other sort of blog post.

As dear former President Clinton would say, "Mistakes were made." Management is taking steps to upgrade some of the operating systems to keep this from happening in the future.

As Mixonian always looks on the bright side, consider this: if you haven't had any growth pains lately, maybe you need to look for a new way to grow.