More On Getting Valuable Feedback

Mixonian is into feedback again for 2 reasons. One is that I'm returning midterm exams and will face a barrage of complaints how unfair I am, or variations about how the test was "too" hard.
;-)

The other reason is now that I've read about how valuable it is to get objective (and compassionate) feedback, I'm now noticing how most of us go so far out of our ways to avoid getting any sort of direct feedback.

Here's something Jack Canfield wrote about feedback in his opus, The Success Principles:

Slow down and pay attention. Life will always give you feedback about the effects of your behavior if you will just pay attention. If your golf ball is always slicing to the right, if you're not making sales, if you're getting C's in your college courses, if your children are mad at you, if your body is tired and weak, if your house is a mess, or if you're not happy --that is all feedback. It is telling you that something is wrong. This is the time to start paying attention to what is happening (17).

Here are some questions Canfield suggests that you ask yourself. They can help you get out of the blame habit, too:

- How am I creating or allowing this to happen?

- What am I doing that's working that I need to be doing more of?

- What am I doing that's not working?

- What do I need to be doing less of?

He also recommends asking friends, family, colleagues for feedback in this way. Ask someone you trust, "How do you see ways I am holding myself back?"

If you think about it, you'll see ways to get more, rather than less feedback into your life.

When You Don't Like the Feedback

The reason we don't seek out feedback at times, is our fear of hearing what we don't want to face. However, life has a way of bringing these unpleasant lessons into our lives, over and over, until we get them.

No way around it, negative feedback stings. Even if you know it's for the best, it can hurt. But, the more feedback you receive, the faster you can achieve your goals.

Here are two valuable questions to ask yourself when on the receiving end of negative feedback:

Q 1. What is the best interpretation of this?

The answer is some variation of accepting that it is the best outcome, even if you don't see how or why.

Q 2. What is the lesson from this?

This question is a bit more difficult to answer, but there's value for you in seeking the wisdom you need in this life lesson.

Remember times in the past when you have learned or experienced wonderful things from seemingly negative outcomes. It's happened before and will happen again. The sooner you look for the fruit, the sooner you'll find it.

Making Friends with Feedback

Feedback is the breakfast of champions.-- Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson, coauthors of The One Minute Manager

Don't you just love it when people thank you, tell you how much you've helped them, give you a raise, bring you business, or warm fuzzies?

Receiving positive feedback feels absolutely wonderful and it's a valuable tool to let us know that we're on the right track. Negative feedback is equally useful, but usually people shun giving it or receiving it.

At lunch yesterday while Sally and I were solving the world's most pressing problems, she remarked about how much supervisors hate giving performance reviews. I've heard that often. It reminded me of student reactions to their grades; they're happy with good grades but often angry, defensive, or depressed when they don't get the grade they believe they deserve.

We need both kinds of feedback -- positive and negative. If you're not getting any, that's because you're not out there in the game of life. If you're a player, you get feedback in the form of advice, help, suggestions, directions, criticisms, awards, or even bank overdrafts.

Feedback is so valuable; Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles, suggests viewing any feedback, particularly the negative sort, as "improvement opportunities." He goes so far as to recommend that people actively and consistently seek feedback, by asking others how they can improve on their jobs, or asking, "How do you see me limiting myself?" (156)

Keep in mind that most people fear giving feedback -- because of the old "attack the messenger" habit. Nobody wants to hurt others' feelings, make them angry, or suffer their disapproval. So, to get honest feedback, you need to ask for it and thank the responding person.

Don't take the usual route to negative feedback, the quitting, the getting angry, or denying helpful information. See it as feedback to get you back on track to where you want to go.