10 Things About Finding Your Mentor

This post brings together the latest thinking on mentors. As we're bombarded and immersed in a constant flow of information, marketing messages, corporate uncertainty, and constant technology change, we need guidance from trusted sources. The tribes of old had their wise men and women, the sages, today we have mentors.

1. Prepare for your mentor. Work on how you see your life: what you like and what you want to change. The mentor will tell you to do this anyway, so get a head start. Think about categories such as health/fitness, career, investments, relationships, family, friends. Some areas are in much better shape than others.

2. Realize that you need more of a mentor committee, or team, rather than THE mentor.

3. It may be worthwhile, however, to pay a professional coach to work with you for a time. It costs money, but you're dealing with professional whose reputation is on the line.

4. A mentor or coach does not necessarily hand out the advice; she asks important questions. How much you put into answering them is your business.

5. Having your own questions articulated can speed up the process in a mentoring relationship. That's one purpose your journal serves.

6. A lot of times the mentor tells you what you already knew, but were afraid to face. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

7. The effectiveness of your mentor depends a great deal on how much you trust him. Your feelings may guide you.

8. Available and effective mentors often wear disguises. One can look just like a little old lady; another can appear to be that nice guy at the office.

9. Sometimes your friends are thinly-veiled mentors but the one who helps you decide which bikini to buy is not necessarily the one who helps you plan your investments.

10. The answer to your question can come from absolutely the most UNexpected source. It could be a seemingly random conversation, or something you read, or something your seat mate read and is telling you. Be alert for these kinds of answers. They're free of charge.

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Finding Your Perfect Mentor, Part II

The last post on this subject, finding that perfect mentor, indicated that there is no guru out there waiting on your porch, ready to give you solutions. But, guidance is out there for you, sometimes you just need to recognize your mentor in the disguise of a friend, a teacher, an acquaintance, a perfect stranger, your own feelings, or even a book....or maybe even a blog post. Before you can use your mentor's wisdom, you need to get your question(s) straight.

I have heard an expression to the effect that when you are ready to learn something, the teacher appears. I read recently a quote, "The next message you need, is always right where you are," by Ram Das. I do not know who Ram Das is, but I think s/he is on to something. Get your question clear, and the answer appears.

Here's a perfect example of a small solution that showed up, unexpectedly, in response to a rather trivial question. About a month ago, I went to Savannah to make a presentation on Chavez at an academic conference. I really wanted to stay with my cousin, to save money on hotel, but I hadn't seen this cousin in 10 years, nor were we ever what you would call close. However, he did invite me to stay with him, and I accepted his invitation.

The morning of the day before my departure, he sent me an email asking me if I wanted to go with them to church that evening of the day I was to arrive. I can assure you that going to church with them that evening was NOT something I wanted to do, normally, but I didn't answer right away in the expectation of receiving some direction on this small question. Part of the reason I was going to this conference, like all conferences, is to meet people, and I knew very few people who were going to this one. I was thinking that maybe I should just hang out that evening at the conference, and maybe I would run into someone I should talk to.

That afternoon, my dad called, as he does from time to time. He asked me about my plans for the conference and the last thing he said to me during this brief conversation was this: "I'm going to give you some fatherly advice. I think you need to make friends with Veronica." My father is a man of few words, and does not give advice very often. Veronica is my cousin's wife. I had met her twice over the past 20 years, maybe we had spent a total of two minutes together, or maybe less.

So, there was my answer. I emailed Michael that I would love to attend the church dinner and program. As it turned out, neither Michael nor I went to church that evening. The battery in my car died the next day in Savannah and he helped me get it replaced and he and I had the most delightful, and delightfully unexpected dinner together that evening. I don't think that would have happened if I had not made plans to be with them that evening.

Answers can come from unexpected, and expected sources. Keep an eye out, and an ear open to find them.

Tomorrow is the last day to email contest submissions to mixonian@gmail.com. You might win $50.

Finding Your Perfect Mentor: Part I

We all need that advisor, the one who guides us through uncomfortable, sticky situations, who encourages us when we're tired, and offers a fresh perspective on an ongoing project. This person is always available when needed, never out of town or busy with a different project when solicited. This advisor, unfortunately, does not exist. But we still need help, and clarity is definitely available for us.

There is no one single person who can possibly be that super-guide we secretly crave: the one who knows us, who believes in us, and has instant solutions to all our less-preferred situations. There are two sources of guidance: inside our selves, and in other people. Most of the time we really do know what we need to do, we just need a little push or reassurance to proceed.

Over the past few days I worked with a super organizer/stylist, who went through all my stuff, everything in my living room, studio, and bedroom. She would ask me, for example, if I really planned on wearing that beautiful tweed Ralph Lauren blazer, the one I bought in 1983. Now, deep inside, I know I am not likely to wear it again; I haven't put it on in at least 20 years. But the fear of never buying another blazer as nice as that one has kept me hanging on to it. That blazer, along with few other bags of other garments, is now in the hands of Good Will. It's not that Carrie taught me some new principle of organizing, or that I didn't know it was best to throw out clothes that I wasn't wearing. Her outside opinion, expressed as "Do you really want to keep....THAT?", helped me clear out more clutter than I even knew I owned.

Every creativity or productivity or success author insists that we need to get these outside opinions. And we know that. But sometimes we don't know whom to ask, or hate to bother someone.

One suggestion from Julia Cameron, and Jack Canfield, an unlikely pair, is to get together with a group of 5 to 7 people who are all working on their own projects. Cameron's book on creativity has spawned small groups of "The Artist's Way" devotees all over the planet. Canfield's approach is more business-like: invite people whom you think can help you to meet and share ideas on a regular basis.

This is an excellent idea. Not only does it provide structure, but it also allows a degree of accountability. There are other ways to get mentoring...appearing soon on The Mixonian.

Last day to submit posts for contest is Wednesday, April 30. Email entries to mixonian@gmail.com and maybe win $50!