Being Happy Around Negative People

By Marci Shimoff

In my seminars the #1 question I'm asked is:How can I be happy when I deal every day with unhappy and negative people?

Staying happy around negative people is definitely an art. You can probably relate to this scenario: Your day is humming along; you're in the flow, maybe celebrating a personal victory or just appreciating the blessings in your life, when all of a sudden—wham! You cross paths with a perennial complainer or someone who's in a bad mood, and down you go, no longer feeling quite so happy. You may even start to feel resentful, annoyed, or downright upset.

So what's the deal? Why does your wave of positivity seem to crash when it bumps up against a wall of negativity? It boils down to the phenomenon of entrainment or—as I call it in Happy for No Reason—emotional contagion. This law of physics says that when two objects are vibrating near each other, the one vibrating with the greatest intensity will dominate. In relationships this means that the person with the strongest emotional state sets the tone of any interaction.

So the next time you're in a positive, high-flying state and you come across someone who's on a downward spiral, you have an important choice to make: You can either invite the other person to synchronize with your emotional state, or you'll automatically synchronize with theirs. It's certainly easier to make the right choice when you don't know the person well.

It takes a bit more resolve when you deeply care about the person. However, indulging another's negativity only adds fuel to the fire. Misery may love company, but that leaves you both miserable.When you're truly happy for no reason, you have a strong "emotional immune system" that prevents you from catching another's negativity, and your peace and well-being are not affected.

Until then, you may need to boost your immunity. Here's Your Happiness Prescription:

The next time you find yourself dealing with someone who's angry, depressed or otherwise oozing negativity, try this:

1. Keep your emotional balance by tuning in to your body. Deepen your breathing, and notice any sensations that arise within you. This will keep you from a knee-jerk reaction.

2. Point out the positive—gently and without judgment. Most people who are feeling cranky and upset are not deliberately trying to bring others down. Look beyond their behavior and you'll see that they're just trying to find a way to feel some relief. Offer a lighthearted comment—or better yet, a bit of praise or appreciation—and they may see the situation from a new perspective.

When you can't think of anything positive to say, know that simply staying neutral in the face of their negativity is a gift in itself. Remember, emotional entrainment works in both directions. The happier you are within yourself, the more happiness you spread to those around you.

Happily,
Marci Shimoff

Marci Shimoff is a celebrated transformational leader and #1 New York Times best-selling author. To learn more of her powerful techniques for establishing deep and authentic happiness and well-being, visit http://www.happyfornoreason.com/

Write Down Your Future

Do you think of life as something that happens to you, or something you create? Reality is a combination of what we think and do, and what happens to us, plus our reaction to outside events. We are co-creators of reality. If a farmer wants the reality of selling corn on the market at harvest time, he would not plant peanuts. Obviously.

The degree to which we co-create our lives, rather than simply living in reaction to all that happens, is somewhat our decision. Think of the personal quality of persistence, people who prevail through all kinds of obstacles to achieve their objectives. Persistence is a wonderful ability to see the desired outcome, even when it doesn't seem to correlate with current events.

Recently, in cleaning out a file cabinet, I ran across a list of goals I wrote down in 1988. I remember my dear parents had me write down life goals when I was 16 years old, and that in my early twenties, this 1988 list was replacing the earlier list which I had lost. If I ever looked at this list between 1988 and 2008, I certainly do not remember doing so. Nevertheless, it was unreal how many of those goals I had achieved in the subsequent two decades.

For example, I had written down, "get a PhD." At that time, I assumed that I would continue my studies in Economics, I had never even heard of the discipline of "Communication," in which I am now a doctoral candidate. In 1988 I no earthly idea how or where I would get a PhD; it sounded like something I'd like to do, and I wrote it down. And, now I've almost accomplished that objective.

Other completely, or significantly-completed goals include achieving my ideal body weight and learning German, travelling to certain parts of the world and having three children. I also wrote down the goal of writing a book, a work now in progress. I wrote down that I wanted to learn how to make croissants. My son recently learned how to do that, and frankly, that no longer interests me. I'd rather just eat the ones he makes every once in a while.

At a seminar at Merici Academy just over a year ago, I heard a speaker explain that a person is young at heart as long as she has dreams and goals. This speaker had learned this definition from an octogenarian.

Write down what you'd like your future to be. That's the first step to making it reality.

7 Steps to a Wealth Mentality

Last week my friend, Ruben, shared with me some interesting business materials from the incredible internet marketing mastermind, Joe Vitale. I thought I'd post his 7 Steps to Attracting Wealth with you. Here they are:

1. Give money away. A generous person is a mentally healthy person. The ability to part with money by sharing with an inspiring cause or person reinforces a mentality of abundance in your own mind. I would suggest that you send the money to Mixonian : ), but I'm not set up to receive donations....yet. Seriously, think about helping someone in a way that gets you enthusiastic about it.

2. Get clear about what you want in life and your attitude(s) toward wealth. Reflect to see if you are storing any negatives beliefs about money. Some of these could include the conviction that money is evil, that wealthy people are mean, that wealth is only for certain people and not you.

3. Take inspired action. When you get an idea, act upon it. How many times have you seen someone else successfully implement your idea?

4. Support a cause. This is related to #1. If you see that having money enables you to make a positive impact, this reinforces your own wealth mentality. Helping others wards off greed.

5. Get support. Share your ideas and establish accountability with like-minded people; it doesn't have to be a large group. Even two people in agreement is far more powerful than going solo. Be with people who nurture you and limit your time with negative thinkers.

6. Be grateful for what you do have, which is a lot. If you're reading this blog, you're already ahead in the game. How powerful is an attitude of gratitude!

7. Do what you love. According to Joe Vitale's research, the most successful people always follow their passion. If you're in a work situation that pays well, but you think it's not really you, think about the positive aspects of your job. You can see it as a way to pay the bills and enable you to do other things you love, or you can cut loose. Don't be in a rut.

Taking a close look at people you truly admire and you will probably see evidence of these suggestions in their lives. And, if you aim for the moon and only hit a star, it's not a bad outcome.

Reunions and Vacations That Rock

Imagine yourself on a sunny sandy shore, sitting under the shade of a bright blue umbrella, just a few yards away from the pale turquoise water of the Caribbean Sea. Delicious! That's where I was last week - at Morrocoy National Park in Venezuela.

If you don't have a vacation planned for any time during the next 6 months, start making arrangements now. Time away from the daily routine is indispensable for the creative, rich life.

While I was in Venezuela, I got to see many dear friends. Reconnecting with people you enjoy but no longer see on a regular basis can even be healing. On my return flight, I read the following passage from Write It Down, Make It Happen, by Henriette Anne Klauser, PhD. Her ideas resonated with the writer in me, and a lot of what she suggests reminds me of Julia Cameron's work. She writes about a friend's experience with a college reunion:

...[W]hat I learned, going back to seeing my old classmates, was yes, you probably do grow and change, but here is something in your personality that doesn't change. Your sense of humor, or non-sense of humor, the way you look at life in general, and the way you interact with other people -- there are certain basic things about you that just don't change. Of the people that were at the reunion, all of them were pretty much the same in some fundamental way. Their personalities were the way they were thirty years ago.

There is security in that, because you can look at yourself and say, "I am the same person, I haven't become a different person" (146).

Think of someone with whom you'd like to reconnect. Renewing old friendships is a great example of an important, but not urgent thing to do. You may be surprised how much fun it is to catch up!

Get Good Things

by Jack Canfield

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!

Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!

Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. If you are told no, ask for what you'd have to do to get it, or ask again at another time when the circumstances have changed. Ask if they know someone else who might say yes. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. But you may need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

First, ask as though you expect to get it.

Be confident in your request coming from a perspective that there's no reason why you wouldn't get it. Or they say no, you can ask them why, or what you would need to do to get a yes. You might need to form a better business plan before you will get a loan. You might need to take a course in computers before you will get a promotion. You might need to spend more quality time with your family before you will get the loving support you need. By getting this feedback you are able to make adjustments and ask again with better chances of getting a yes.

Second, assume you can get what you want if you only ask for it.

You want a window seat? Assume all you have to do is ask for it. You want an ocean view? Cheaper tickets? A scholarship? A better deal? Just ask for it as if that's all you have to do to get it.

And finally, be specific about what you want or need.

Do you want to make $5,000 more a year? Then don't just ask for a raise. Ask for $5,000 more a year. Vague request produce vague results. Don't just ask for more time with your spouse; ask for a date on Friday night. Don't ask for help on a project, ask for what you want that person to take care of.

Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.

Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and then start asking!
© 2008 Jack Canfield

* * *
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

21 Ways to Be Nice to Yourself

Today is the third day of the second half of the year. Mixonian hopes that things are going well for you and that you are being very very nice to yourself.

Being nice to yourself is essentially forgiving yourself for not being perfect while making it easier for you to succeed in your endeavors. Having high expectations for yourself and others is a great motivator...up to a point. If you think about it, life runs along a grid of paradoxes: be disciplined, but have fun; be spiritual, not a religious fanatic; make money, don't be consumed by money.

Aristotle's well-known suggestion was moderation in all things. We're still not sure if that means moderated moderation.

Being very nice to yourself sets a wonderful example for how others should treat you, too.

21 Easy Ways to Be Especially Nice to Yourself:

1. Get enough sleep. If possible, take a nap.

2. If the day is hectic, find a space to do nothing for 15 minutes. This will actually make you more productive and focused.

3. Go to the library and check some books that you would never buy, but are curious about.

4. Write a letter...on stationery.

5. Go over your list of things to do and eliminate/postpone a fourth of them. Remember Pareto's Law, the 80/20 rule. (If you don't remember, it's that 20% of input yields 80% of the output.)

6. Write out what an ideal day for you would be. Ideally, this would be in your journal.

7. Hire someone to help you with the house, even if it's just once in a while.

8. Organize a drawer, or a chest of drawers.

9. Clean out the refrigerator.

10. Think in terms of baby steps for any area in which you feel really frustrated: exercise, diet, saving money.

11. In Suzuki music training program, parents are taught that their main job is to do whatever it takes for their child to experience success: lower the bar, encourage, reward good behavior. Consider making your own success inevitable.

12. Sign up for a cooking class or a wine tasting. If you're in the Atlanta area, click on the link to the left for www.tasteandsavor.com and Nancy can help you with this. Actually planning a small cooking class or wine tasting is a great way to entertain close friends.

13. Try a new healthy food. My personal suggestion is organic dates, but anything healthy works. I'm planning to try collards soon.

14. Remember that no one oppresses you without your permission. If you feel overwhelmed, that's your problem to solve.

15. Forgive others. Let it go. There is no room for resentment in life. Too risky.

16. Take the magazines laying around, go through them and cut out pictures that inspire, save articles that interest you (file them!) and throw the rest away.

17. You now have permission to give away the crocheted toilet paper cover your Aunt Edna made for you. Remember William Morris' advice, "Keep only those things that are useful or you believe them to be beautiful."

18. Be brilliant and start looking for Christmas gifts now.

19. Work on your gratitude list. Think of 5 different things for which you are so grateful. What you appreciate, appreciates.

20. Think of one word or short phrase to guide you for the rest of this year: organize, lighten up, experiment, focus, baby steps.

21. Plan a vacation.

Speaking of vacation, Mixonian will be taking her own advice and taking a vacation. Back July 14.

Lorraine Lewis of Pennsylvania won the alpaca scarf. Look out for a new drawing in August.

Think Right

One of Mixonian's most popular posts is from March 1, a bit on Investor's Business Daily's top 10 qualities of successful people. This post re-visits the first item on the list:

How you think is everything. Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.

This advice is not the first on the list for nothing, nor is the list arranged in alphabetical order. This is first because it is the foundation for other good things to happen.

Probably you have realized by now that your span of actual control in the whole universe is not as big as it "should" be. I mean wouldn't the world be a better place if people always did what you think they should?

Maybe, maybe not. What we can control, largely, is our approach to life, how we bounce back (or not) after the surprise elements. Blogger, author, exercise instructor and entrepreneur Marie Forleo says that no matter what happens in your day, you pretend that such is exactly what you want: the unexpected traffic, the spilled tea on your dress, the no-show appointment, whatever. In the same vein, I tell myself, "this (meaning whatever the surprise element) is going to turn out for the best, even if I can't see it right now."

This is not to deny that really nasty things happen. They do. However, our getting all down, angry, and into self pity about it only makes it worse! Any negative reaction makes it harder, and take longer to bounce back. And positive things do happen as a result of negative things, you just have to look for the silver lining.

No matter what happens today, assume that it's for the best.

Results from the alpaca scarf drawing will be published later today.