How Much Is Your Annoyance Worth?

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The Incredible ROI of Looking for the Best Side

Monday I had a great opportunity to exercise my calm-in-the-storm frame of mind, literally.

The day started when the bus driver shut the door almost in my daughter's face....we're not sure why, but apparently he was unable or unwilling to wait for her to get to the door to let her in. Therefore I got to take her to school. I got to my work just in time for class, with not a moment to breathe, much less stop by my office. All was fine; my first two classes were great.

Between class two and three, I have to hike about four blocks in under 10 minutes. It was not raining; it was pouring torrentially. I taught my third class dripping wet. All was well.

Now it's lunch time and I can't wait to get to my office and sit down! When I get to my office, I realize my office keys are not where they're supposed to be....they are in the first classroom I taught in, 3 blocks away. Fortunately, they were in the exact place I had left them early in the morning.

So, I have 25 minutes for lunch instead of an hour. No problem.

I was so happy to get to my fourth class. We had a great time. I enjoyed the 1-mile walk to my car and hopped in to get on my way to Whole Foods, a fun place for me to buy "special" groceries.

I notice the car is making a really weird noise.

I have a totally flat tire.

No worries, I have a service (with USAA) so they send someone out to repair it. I wish it didn't take an hour for the guy to get there, but I'm glad to be in the shade and happy to SIT DOWN (all teachers know what I mean!)

Miracle of miracles, I make it home just before my daughters do. And all was well.

All of us have days like these. Maybe you're the sort of person who lets everything like this roll off your back like water on a duck.: no bad mood, no grumpiness.

It's taken me a while to develop the habit of not letting bad things get worse by thinking how unfair it all was. I just got through the day, one obstacle at a time. By maintaining serenity, you have more resources at hand to deal with everything and you don't waste time, the new money.

Yesterday I took some time to goof off.

Good News about Corrupt Politicians

I have to admit that my finding-the-silver-lining ability was definitely challenged yesterday. I was invited to attend a local political lunch and I went to hear the Republican Senator from North Carolina.

To say his message was depressing, would be a humongous understatement. He was trying to rally the troops - go out there and get people registered to vote Republican....but without really giving us any reason why. The economy's in a mess, and our government responds by offering two providers of bread and circus programs: the popular Democratic pork, or the more tasteful, Republican pork loin. In the end, it's variations on the same pig.

This senator still believes that we just need more government spending to make education more effective. What a novel idea! It works so well.... Obviously, he's never taught in the public school system.

But....Mixonian was not defeated by these tired and corrupt political band-aids.

There are still reasons to be grateful to our U.S. government:

1. We're not in any armed civil conflict.

2. While the economy is reeling, the grocery stores remain open, and most businesses are functioning at some level.

3. Kidnapping is not something we worry about.

4. We can park our cars in almost any place, and we would be truly surprised if those cars would not be where we left them.

5. Being overweight is a much more serious health problem than starvation.

6. We still have libraries. And a lot of libraries offer free computer and Internet use.

7. We are all free to blame, criticize, and whine about any and all elected officials, any aspect of the government, without fear of going to jail for that.

8. We're all free to run for office, lobby, communicate with our government, to try to make it more effective.

So, how's your list? Happy Friday!

Think Right

One of Mixonian's most popular posts is from March 1, a bit on Investor's Business Daily's top 10 qualities of successful people. This post re-visits the first item on the list:

How you think is everything. Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.

This advice is not the first on the list for nothing, nor is the list arranged in alphabetical order. This is first because it is the foundation for other good things to happen.

Probably you have realized by now that your span of actual control in the whole universe is not as big as it "should" be. I mean wouldn't the world be a better place if people always did what you think they should?

Maybe, maybe not. What we can control, largely, is our approach to life, how we bounce back (or not) after the surprise elements. Blogger, author, exercise instructor and entrepreneur Marie Forleo says that no matter what happens in your day, you pretend that such is exactly what you want: the unexpected traffic, the spilled tea on your dress, the no-show appointment, whatever. In the same vein, I tell myself, "this (meaning whatever the surprise element) is going to turn out for the best, even if I can't see it right now."

This is not to deny that really nasty things happen. They do. However, our getting all down, angry, and into self pity about it only makes it worse! Any negative reaction makes it harder, and take longer to bounce back. And positive things do happen as a result of negative things, you just have to look for the silver lining.

No matter what happens today, assume that it's for the best.

Results from the alpaca scarf drawing will be published later today.

Becoming a High-Maintenance Chick, oops, Woman

After some serious reflection upon the need for extreme self care, I have decided to become a high-maintenance gal. I used to think they were superficial. I still do, only now I believe being superficial is a good thing. : )

Actually, declaring to the world that you require maintenance sends out an important message about how you value yourself. In God's eyes we may be all equals, but anyone out of diapers knows that most people use visual clues to decide how to treat a person. Even more important, your attitude tells people how to treat you!

I'm excited about this new "high-maintenance" paradigm for me. On my first date with Mr. Wonderful, I imagine the following dialogue:

Laura: Well, I want you to know I am a high-maintenance woman.

Mr. Wonderful: Oh, really....hmmmmm.

Laura: Well, what do you think of that?

Mr. Wonderful: Oh, I think it's fine. It's just that you don't look like a high-maintenance woman, no offense, you seem to be very down-to-earth.

Well, I haven't figured out my response to that one. I'm not interested in acrylic nails, not willing to make weekly hair-drying appointments, or into wearing that much make-up. I'd rather live under a bridge than look tacky! I'm working out my own high-mainenance details.

For too many years, I've been getting $10 worth out of every $1 spent on clothing. And that's not a bad thing. I've shopped at thrift shop sales (often the junior league ones), gotten great hand-me-downs from my sister and a few friends, and recycled so much clothing that I now wear my own vintage. None of that is bad in itself. One reason I put out so much energy in stretching my clothing dollar is that frankly, most of the time, I'd rather buy a book than a new shirt.

However, life is short and I like the feeling you get when you have something expensive on. It's not that everything on your back has to come from Neiman Marcus. But if your wallet is tres chic, or even your costume earrings are from some famous designer, your attitude reflects positive self worth.

So, here are some high-maintenance options I'm considering:

- getting my legs waxed.
- getting a massage.
- buying expensive vitamins (hopefully I'll take them as well!)
- buying an upscale magazine to get more ideas.
- buying aroma-therapy candles, even though the days are long now.

It is now Mixonian policy to support its high-maintenance readers. Look out for an upcoming drawing for something soft and cuddly, (and it's not my new nephew.) Details on the way.

Turning Serendipity into Success

Over the weekend I finished reading Susan RoAne's book, How to Create Your Own Luck. It's full of examples of how following up on chance encounters can lead to new jobs, great customers, or even access to key medical doctors. As I was reading this, I remembered how when I lived in Caracas, these kinds of serendipitous events were frequently the topic of conversation; it was considered normal. So I had this idea that Caracas, a city whose inhabitants all swear is a super small world, even a hankerchief, was somehow different in this aspect. Reading RoAne's book has prompted me to think that chance encounters are important everywhere.

For example, on February 25 of this year I made a presentation to our local art museum board, because "by coincidence" I had seen their ad for an executive director. I did not get that job, but one board member owns an advertising company and we have worked together on a few projects since then. Or take my own job at the university. I got it when I called the husband of a friend to interview him to write an article on listening skills. That led to a major career change, and it's because of that job that I'm having so much fun writing a dissertation on Hugo Chavez. My sister got her last two wonderful jobs through contacts with her hairdresser.

I hate the term "networking" so I'm not going to use it. I can't bear to bring myself to think about talking to people just because they might be able to help me, and that is not what RoAne advocates (see Commandment #5). But I can talk to people knowing that it might brighten their day, and in any case help to pass our time together pleasantly.

Below is another extract from RoAne's book; her "The 10 Commandments for Turning Serendipity into Success" appears in the appendix.

1. Thou shalt pay attention and be open to opportunity.

2. Thou shalt be approachable; smile and make eye contact with others.

3. Thou shalt do good deeds; say kind words, as they are oft returned.

4. Thou shalt create a network of associates, colleagues, friends, family, and coworkers.

5. Thous shalt stay in touch with thy network when thou needest nothing from it.

6. Thou shalt be a supportive Yeah! Sayer.

7. Thou shalt not render prejudgments.

8. Thou shalt follow up the leads, ideas, and connections offered by thy network.

9. Thou shalt be positive and look at the glass as half full.

10. Thous shalt embraces these eight (counterintuitive) traits, the ones from Friday's post.

The most important thing, perhaps the requisite for meeting interesting people whom you can help and be helped by, is to make up your mind that you're going to do so. Sometimes, you start talking to someone, and that person is not very friendly. It doesn't happen very often, but ALWAYS, when someone is not nice, assume that person is having a bad day. That's an opportunity for you to show compassion, not get your own feelings hurt.

Send in your own ideas in a post to mixonian@gmail.com. Contest ends April 30. You may win $50, and writing is good for you anyway!

Have a super Monday, I know I will.

Meeting of the Queens

"In life... it's vitally important that you buy your own crown and declare yourself Queen, and then spend the rest of your life living into that."
-- Jill Connor Browne, author of Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love.

My friend Sally has a tiara in her office. I've never seen her wear it, but its presence on top of her cabinet sends a wonderful message. And she does not work in an ad agency, or publishing house; she works in a fast-growing scientific lab company. And she is treated pretty much like a queen there, as far as I can tell, having spent some time there working on a sales project.

Thinking you're the Queen captures the right attitude for life. Queens know they're powerful, but they're not usually arrogant (that's the Crown Prince for you). Queens are not victims of life and they dress well.

You've heard of JAPs - Jewish American Princesses. Now we have a WAQ - White American Queen. Have a royal day!

Why Be Positive

The title to this post is both a statement and a question, hence no question mark. When your best buddies are mostly experts in English grammar, you become acutely aware of certain details like that. If being positive is so important and helpful in this life, why isn't everyone bubbling over and being positive all the time? Being negative, which is what non-positive people are, is a nasty habit that's easy to fall into.

News stories encourage the habit of negative thinking. Having taught newswriting, I know that one function of news programs is to make the audience consider new negative possibilities. Maybe there is too much of oxynitsuldiobiocide in the water, and it's going to make my teeth fall out. Maybe there's a killer waiting for me at Wal-Mart. Maybe my cat really is psychic. And then again, maybe not.

Advertising is another downer. Fear sells, especially to women. Consider how many products for women are sold on the basis of fear: if you don't buy our product, you may end up old, ugly, out of fashion, uncool, and of course, unloved. Ridiculous!

News programming and advertising are all about making money. Making money is a wonderful thing, but you don't need to contribute to other people's profits by by getting caught up in their fear mongering. Use positive energy to raise your own revenues.

You will handle any thing that happens to you. You always have; you always will. And nothing happens that some good doesn't come out of it. Probably the thing I most feared in this life was being divorced. And getting a divorce is not a pleasant experience. But throughout it I enjoyed the support of so many wonderful friends. And now that it's over, I'm having a great time doing what I want.

We all have limited time together in life on this planet. Being negative, focusing on the bad things that could happen, is simply a drain of time and energy. Like Cynthia said on her radio blog, "Even if the glass is only one-fourth full, maybe someone will come and fill it." A positive outlook clears your vision so you see possibilities that are invisible to other people.