Asking For and Receiving Help in Your Tribe

Similar to how you can sometimes think of receiving as something for weaker people, it can be even more challenging to ask for help on your projects. I mean, you know that everyone is so dadgum busy with their stuff, what an imposition to ask for anyone's help, right?

Asking for help is actually a phenomenal strategy to get more of what you want, whether it's a better job, more sales, your paintings in more galleries, or party invitations.

The truth is people love to help you. It makes them feel important.

In Jill Lublin's book, Get Noticed, Get Referrals, she suggests a specific tool for getting other people involved in your business; she credits the idea to Mark LeBlanc. Both Jill Lublin and Mark LeBlanc recommend this practice for getting referrals.

It's called an Advocate List.

Write down the names of the 25 most important people in your life who are in a position to affect your business. These are your top advocates. Your strategy is to develop a way to contact each one each month, just to remind them of you and what you can do. This is not the time to ask for referrals. These are extremely busy people and you're just making a friendly connection.

Each month send them something tiny: a postcard, a newsletter, a cartoon, an article, a chocolate bar, a personal note. The idea is to keep in touch in a way that reminds people of your business.

You could also phone, fax, mail or e-mail your advocates. It's nice to catch up with people.

Lublin advises to keep your list strong and not to expand beyond 25 people. She also maintains a larger alliance list made up of friends, associates, and business contacts whom she contacts less frequently, on a quarterly basis.

If you're new in business, review your list every quarter, otherwise go over it each year to add and subtract names.

People want to help you; make it easier for them.

Beware the Complicators

If you saw the youtube video clip posted on Christine Kane's blog the week of September 18, this post will ring a familiar tone. The clip was about the escalator break down. About a similar theme, read this post carefully, and see the real genius behind the writer of Mixonian.

The Mystery of the Goggle Marks

I've been swimming seriously now for almost three years. By "seriously" I mean 1 to 3 times a week, most weeks. I got started in Caracas, with a group and a coach, and now I continue at ECU's pool, on my own. Today I swam 70 laps, which I'm told is a mile.

I love swimming. Even more, I love having swum. I rejoice when I can smell chlorine on my skin.

But, I've had this serious problem with swimming: red goggle marks on my face. Very scary looking.

The goggles always left these deep red marks around my eyes, and it always took many hours for them to fade away. I attributed these to my oh-so-delicate skin.

While swimming, I would dream up cures for this serious disfigurement. I thought of special goggles for me, putting silicon between the goggles and my skin, or finding some miracle cream that would make them disappear faster. Maybe I would make lots of money when I found the cure.

Then one day this week, I got advice from someone I thought was a semi-professional swimmer. Then I realized it was my daughter, Miranda.

We were swimming in adjacent lanes and all of a sudden Miranda asks the miraculous question, "Mom, have you tried loosening your goggles?"

Wow, what brilliant insight! I never thought of that. I thought looser goggles would let in the water. But, I loosened the band that goes around your head by one full inch, the water still stays out, and you can hardly see my goggle marks. Plus it's a lot less painful.

So, why do some people like to complicate things, or refuse to see simple, obvious solutions? Here are two possible answers:

1. Thinking that what you're doing is more complicated makes it seem more important, and by extension, you feel more important.

2. Some people fear asking for help because they associate getting help with losing independence. So these people isolate themselves, and there's no one around to point out the obvious solution, like loostening your goggles.

Both of these possibilities point to a distorted sense of self - one who solves complicated problems without anyone's help. While the lonely hero may make good movie plots, it's not a very nice way to live.