Love is Your Destiny

Last year at a national communication conference, I went to hear a panel speak on the relationship between communication and love. I actually was not that interested in the subject, but a dear friend was presenting a paper and I went to see him. As it turned out, I heard the most innovative definition of the word, love.

One of the panelists talked about the love involved in the relationship between a teacher and a difficult student. That's not just tough love, but tough to love. This definition is what impressed me the most from the entire conference.

Love is seeing destiny in other person.

And this has what to do with communication????

Actually it is a powerful starting point for any relationship, and all communication. To see destiny in another is completely separate from warm and fuzzy feelings you may enjoy, or the lack thereof.

This came to mind after writing about gifts we don't understand. (Now that all my friends are terrified of ever buying me a gift again!) Sometimes we give gifts based on the destiny we see in the other person: we see a budding artist, writer, intellectual, photographer, leader, learner, beautiful person.

If you're not sure what to give as a gift for someone, think about what destiny(ies) you see in him. If you're not sure what to say to someone, think about the destiny(ies) you see in her.

When communication is difficult, going back to a shared destiny may smooth the path. In any case, it's a good way to break unhelpful thought patterns that may be blocking good communication.

Seeing Destiny in Others

Last November, I attended my first academic conference, the annual meeting of the National Communication Association. If you're interested, they're meeting in San Diego this upcoming November....and as an added incentive, I'll be speaking on Mr. Chavez. ;-)

The presentations were (some of them, anyway,) more interesting than I had expected. I went to one session to hear my brilliant friend, Dennis, speak. While I was there, I heard several beautiful talks on how we can express love through our communication. In one of these, I heard, for the first time, love defined as "seeing destiny in the other."

That was a real breakthrough for me. I saw a practical way to love.

Seeing destiny in someone is to acknowledge his potential for a wonderful and fulfilling life. My mother definitely has always seen destiny, a beautiful and brilliant destiny, in all four of her children. Ideally, all mothers do this.

How wonderful when a friend, or even an acquaintance, sees destiny in us.

What brings this to mind is my reading Christine Kane's two posts on encouragement. She expresses encouragement as seeing the other person capable of merging her dreams with current reality, in some way or another. Being an active encourager is a wonderful way to live.

As you see destiny in the other, your own appears more vividly.