Asking For and Receiving Help in Your Tribe

Similar to how you can sometimes think of receiving as something for weaker people, it can be even more challenging to ask for help on your projects. I mean, you know that everyone is so dadgum busy with their stuff, what an imposition to ask for anyone's help, right?

Asking for help is actually a phenomenal strategy to get more of what you want, whether it's a better job, more sales, your paintings in more galleries, or party invitations.

The truth is people love to help you. It makes them feel important.

In Jill Lublin's book, Get Noticed, Get Referrals, she suggests a specific tool for getting other people involved in your business; she credits the idea to Mark LeBlanc. Both Jill Lublin and Mark LeBlanc recommend this practice for getting referrals.

It's called an Advocate List.

Write down the names of the 25 most important people in your life who are in a position to affect your business. These are your top advocates. Your strategy is to develop a way to contact each one each month, just to remind them of you and what you can do. This is not the time to ask for referrals. These are extremely busy people and you're just making a friendly connection.

Each month send them something tiny: a postcard, a newsletter, a cartoon, an article, a chocolate bar, a personal note. The idea is to keep in touch in a way that reminds people of your business.

You could also phone, fax, mail or e-mail your advocates. It's nice to catch up with people.

Lublin advises to keep your list strong and not to expand beyond 25 people. She also maintains a larger alliance list made up of friends, associates, and business contacts whom she contacts less frequently, on a quarterly basis.

If you're new in business, review your list every quarter, otherwise go over it each year to add and subtract names.

People want to help you; make it easier for them.

Are You A Good Receiver?

You probably have mixed feeling about receiving things. A company that is in "receivership" is not doing well. We're usually much more focused on getting things and making things happen.

I invite you to think about your own ability to receive in a fresh way.

Napoleon Hill wrote, Wanting something is not the same thing as being ready to receive it.

The first time I read that, I thought it was stupid. Now, I understand more fully. I also am a better receiver.

I think sometimes we let our smartness and independent spirit get in the way of our receiving. Or we think it's a sign of weakness to receive. In any case, I suggest you decide to be a better receiver in your life, and see what happens.

Things I've received this summer (like in the last 6 weeks):

- free groceries

- $25 gas card

- subscriptions to 3 magazines

- 30,000 frequent flyer miles

- $26 Barnes and Noble gift card

- 2 bottles of good wine

- $30 reduction in phone bill (per month for the next 12 months)

- totally unexpected and significant income

I've been working on this ever since I was first introduced to the concept in April, 2008. So, you may not receive the winnings of the lottery today, especially if you haven't bought a ticket.

You begin by realizing that there is so much abundance out there, and that there's more than one way to receive stuff. Your wealth can come from more than just a paycheck. Just be on the lookout, and you'll begin to notice unexpected gains. Don't forget to notice them, give thanks, and look for more to come. And share them with others.

Especially in this wonky economic environment, it behooves us to live more creatively and communicate more clearly. Setting up ourselves to receive more openly is one good way to start this process.

Selling When You're Not the Type

If you're like most Mixonian readers, you're really not sure what cold calling is, and you'd be hard pressed to name any known closing techniques. The traditional sales argot, shall we say, leaves you, well, not engaged.

Yet, whether or not we're self-employed, we really want to grow our business.

Sooner rather than later.

The good news is that the old-fashioned high-pressure approach doesn't work well any more. People simply have access to too much information. In a TMI world, what grows businesses is relationships.

Building relationships doesn't mean you have to become BFF with everyone you meet.

It does mean you are present and fully confident in how your business helps people. You are able to articulate the benefits you offer quickly.

The more people know/trust/like you, the more they want to do business with you.

Here are just a few things you can go out and do today that will help build those relationships:

- Call someone just to say "hi." You can keep it brief, if you want.

- Organize your own Creative Women in Business Network. My local CWBN group is having its first lunch next week.

- Give some product/service away.

- Write a note expressing your appreciation for someone.

- Make a donation.

- Try something new. Go for bodacious.

- Pray for your clients. (I got this one from Mei.)

The point is to do something from a place of abundance, not from neediness. Have fun while you're at it.

What Powerful Communicators Normally Do

Well, Woody Allen did say that 80% of life was simply showing up.

By being present, though, I don't mean being there physically - only. I mean when you are with someone you are truly there with that person, or that audience, not thinking or worrying about other things. Certainly a powerful communicator isn't thinking about what people think of her, she is focused on her audience.

A powerful communicator thinks about why her audience should care about her topic. Actually if you are crystal clear about the why, everything else related to your message with flow naturally. This aspect also keeps you from talking about things that really aren't relevant for your audience.

Powerful communicators don't always use slideware (like Power Point) just because everyone else does.

Powerful communicators value their time and energy, and yours. Realizing, even though you've always known this, but really getting the fact that your energy is not infinite and that your management of your energy determines how much you'll have.

One way I've responded to realizing how important it is for me to manage my own energy is choosing not to shop a W--mart. I have nothing against that store and for many years I did most of my shopping there. Today I find I use less energy on shopping (low priority) by shopping in stores that are smaller and closer to my home.

Powerful communicators invest in themselves for two reasons. 1) Investing in yourself ALWAYS pays off and 2) It's the fastest way to get better.

Powerful communicators commit to excellence. That's why they are also excellent communicators.

Manage Your Own Renewable Energy

You know that watching a two-year-old child in action is quite a sight to behold. The energy level is amazing. Small children don't see the point of walking, when they can run, jump, skip, all while screaming and clapping their hands with delight. They are little fireballs of energy.

It takes a lot of energy to be an effective leader in your life.

Sigh.

I can't promise you'll have this energy level again, like you did when you were two, but I do know there are ways of increasing your energy level and leveraging your energy so you get more of what you want to do, done.

Dealing with energy management is something my clients are usually surprised to deal with. After all, what does that have to do with presentation skills, or leadership? It has everything to do with both.

Similar to way each day gives us 24 hours to manage, each day we have a certain amount of energy to use. Some things, people, events, and places actually raise our energy level, while others do the opposite.

Cultivate awareness of the energy of everything. Notice when you come away from an encounter drained, or energized. See how the mess on your desk energizes you, or not. (Bravo to everyone who has a neat desk!)

I like to keep in mind that while money is replaceable, time is not. Energy is the currency with which we spend our days, and while you can't get back yesterday's energy, you can live now with more energy.

- Get enough sleep.

- Exercise.

- De-clutter (or would that be "de-clut?) your space.

- Shorten the time spent with energy-draining people.

- Notice how any music you listen to affects you.

- Monitor your media intake.

- Take time to do nothing.

- Take more control over your schedule.

Your energy determines how you feel and how others feel around you. It's one of those critical but invisible factors in the communication process.

Leadership for Bigger Impact

The capacity to develop close and enduring relationships is the mark of a leader. Unfortunately, many leaders of major companies believe their job is to create the strategy, organization structure and organizational processes -- then they just delegate the work to be done, remaining aloof from the people doing the work.

--Bill George, Authentic Leadership.

Here are some questions you can work with to enhance your leadership ability:

• How can I help _________ (insert name of subordinate/prospect/client) be more successful?

• Who are 10 people with whom I'd like to build closer relationships?

• How can I create more "wow" experiences for my people at work?

• What can I do for myself to rekindle my enthusiasm/joy?

• Which tasks and meetings can we eliminate, or have less frequently?

• How can I increase my production of optimism?

Good leadership is a process and a habit. It's something you build every day. Here's some spirit nourishment for the journey.

Take Time to OverCommunicate

Can you remember life before email?

It's an amazing thing how interconnected we have become -- sending and receiving messages instantaneously from people all over the planet.

The problem with email is that we think that in hitting the "send" button we have communicated our message, when in fact, many times, if not most of the time, we have not.

Like George Bernard Shaw said, The greatest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

It's not your job to state your case so much as it is your job to make sure your audience understands your message. Without the nonverbal cues face-to-face communication provides, it's more challenging to know whether or not you're getting your message across with email. And probably most of your messages rely on this medium.

What you want to do is overcommunicate. Students who get good grades know this; they overstudy to make sure they do well on the assignments.

Seth Godin helps my case in his blog post of today:

This makes it really difficult to vilify the recalcitrant consumer. It's not that they're stupid, it's that you didn't explain it very well.

In your activities today, remember to overcommunicate. It will save you time, money, frustration, effort down the road.