Elements of Superb Entertaining

In other words, a birthday party that rocks. I just got back from a social event that represents the best in Southern hospitality -- one of those experiences that makes you feel glad to be a part of the great human family, and forget the dysfunctionality of your own family (it can only bother you if you allow that!)

Even though we can all appreciate Wayne Dyer's joke that friends are God's apology for your family, getting together with relatives can be enriching in unexpected ways. Getting together to celebrate a biggish event (80 years on the planet, for example) gives family members a positive project to collaborate on, and a purpose that gets everyone focused above the fray. The annoyances of others are simply your teachers in disguise so you can always look for the learning experience.

Entertaining often gets short-listed on our priorities because of other stuff that pretends to be more important. I hope this post encourages you to celebrate the next birthday in your household, in a bigger way. Hans Nouwen wrote that to celebrate a birthday is to celebrate life. It's a way to express gratitude that a person simply is there.

Less Work, More Fun

There are three basic strategies to entertaining without it being such a burden to the host/ess.

1. Involve guests and co-hosts. The event from which I just returned was orchestrated by three families living in three different cities. With or without co-hosts, guests always feel more involved when entrusted with an assignment.

2. Outsource. Whether it's a catering service, a bakery, or Sam's Club, getting professional help can save you time and money. Find someone to help get the house ready, and to clean it up afterwards. A totally overwhelmed host can be scary.

3. Simplify. Miami-based Jennifer Rubell has plenty of suggestions about how to work on this. Two suggestions of hers include giving a one-dish dinner or breaking up good quality chocolate bars as dessert.

Get inspired. Give a party. Connect with others. Invite Mixonian!

Time to Get Lucky

While in the local library looking for a book by creative mastermind, Julia Cameron, I ran across a provocative title, How To Create Your Own Luck, by Susan Roane (2004). Well, to what purpose do libraries exist, if not to let you check out books like these without having to actually buy them?

Here's the scoop on Susan Roane. She was a school teacher who got laid off in some teacher-firing process that went on in California many years ago. Obviously the teacher shortage did not then exist. She decided to work with groups of newly unemployed teachers, to help them find new vocations, careers, or even simple jobs. One result of that work was a subsequent book, How to Work a Room. You can see that her work is not that of encouraging reflexivity, but just the opposite -- to get out there and talk to people.

Her main theme is that small talk is important because it forges new connections between people, and it can lead to what she calls "big talk": the job offers, speaking opportunities, play dates for children, investments, and so forth. Mixonian is all for any manner of connecting with people, and it is through talking that relationships are built.

Roane's book on luck is structured around eight traits:

- Talk to strangers.

- Make small talk.

- Drop names.

- Eavesdrop and listen

- Ask for or offer help.

- Stray from chosen paths.

- Exit graciously without burning bridges.

- Say yes, instead of no.

These are all helpful reminders, but I did have a little trouble with the last one. I, and many people I know, have trouble sometimes saying "no" to things to which we really don't want to commit. Nevertheless, Roane's point is valid, you never know what an unexpected contact can lead to, if you approach the situation an open and alert mind.

The friends of Mixonian who travel frequently may be interested in knowing she gave several examples of fruitful friendships that were formed on flights. (Fantastic, no?)

Many people do not enjoy small talk, but you never know to what it can lead.

Don't forget Mixonian's post contest. Submit the lucky post and win $50! And speaking of writing, Christine Kane has an excellent post on writing. See www.christinekane.com/blog.

Communicate to Connect

Actually the title to this article is redundant. The word "communicate" originally meant "to have union with people"; it has the same Latin root as our word "communion". One of my favorite definitions of the word "communicate" (of the almost 400 definitions) is "to share meaning, or to attempt to share meaning", which is essentially connecting with another person.

It's somewhat of an irony that for all our advanced communication technology, what we crave is authentic connection with people. This past Sunday's Parade magazine featured an interview with mega-star Jodie Foster. Her most salient comment was how she deeply desired to connect with people. As do we all.

My grandmother, who is amazingly connected with all sorts of people, instilled in me an important key to getting along with people, to help connect with others. She always told me, and still does, that we should imagine that each person we come in contact with is wearing a sign that says, "Please make me feel important". It is not so much that we want to strut around as VIPs, but we all want to matter to others.

In an extension of this line of thinking, in her book, Happy for No Reason, author Marci Shimoff notes that happy people see the whole world as their family. If you see another as a loved brother, aunt, or godfather, it's easier to look for the good in that person. Having that mindset creates a positive energy that you give off without being conscious of that process. It's also another way of loving our neighbor.

To connect to people, imagine them as members of your big happy family. Remember that they want connection as well. Your communication will adjust accordingly.