Give Thanks for Unexpected Teachers

Every now and then we get a reminder to give thanks for the teachers in our lives. For example, I appreciate Mrs. Murray for making American history come alive in high school. But, apart from our official school teachers, whom of course you want to thank profusely, there are other teachers to consider.

Right before we got our toy poodle puppy, a dear friend told me he would be a great teacher for our family. Hmmmmm.....puppies as teachers....something to think about. My friend was right, though. Prince, our power poodle, has taught us a thing or two, particularly about expectations in life.

For the most part, Prince gets what he expects in life. When he scratches at his water bowl, he gets water. When he stands outside the door, poised to enter, someone eventually opens the door for him. And when he is left alone, he knows that his family will come back home at some point, which presents the opportunity to celebrate by jumping high and barking profusely. And when there is a delay in his getting fed, or getting water, he may whine a bit, but he doesn't seem to get bitter about it. He doesn't deal in resentment.

Another vital source of unexpected teachers is the people who annoy us. Yep, them. While we enjoy the company of whose with whom we agree; we encourage them, and are encouraged by them; it's the super annoying folks who teach us more. They remind us that we have some interior work to do and they show us in what areas we need to focus our attention.

When someone gets on your nerves, ask yourself why. If it's because we're not getting his approval, there's an area ripe for attention. If it's because that person is trying to persuade us of something, why does that bother? It's basically a free world and you can choose your beliefs. In the case of a sour cashier, we can learn compassion. If it's a demanding student, one who expects payment (i.e. certain grades) for doing nothing, we learn....let's see, we learn serenity in the face of irritation. We learn to stay calm and not get sucked up in other people's expectations.

Teachers are wonder-filled people. The good news is that we all get to be a teacher at one point or another.

4 Ways to Communicate Better with Difficult People

It's not that communicating with difficult people drains energy, but we can allow even thinking that we will have to deal with a certain dreaded person to make us lose steam. Dealing with the dread of interacting with people we believe to be difficult is a proactive way we can retain our energy to invest in more interesting projects. Fear is the underlying issue; address it.

1) We are all difficult people at one time or another. The first step in dealing with, or communicating with difficult people is to realize that there is at least one person, and maybe more than one, who considers you a difficult person. Yes, little, lovable, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly you. As my sister put it, everybody is picky about something. It may be that your boyfriend's sister eats only vegan, it's impossible to cook for her. But people who smell like cigarettes drive you nuts....smokers (and yes, they are people, too) may consider you difficult to deal with.

2) Be a good finder. Keeping in mind that someone may actually consider you as a difficult person can free you to see the situation from a broader perspective. Remember how terribly awful you thought your brother, or sister to be in certain situations when you were young. It's kind of the same situation, all over again. Look for the good in that difficult person. Every single person has positive qualities; some people are better at hiding those good aspects below a gruff surface. Make it your mission to unearth the good side.

3) Everyone knows something you need to know. This step should motivate you to work harder at #2. Everyone has the capability of helping you in some way or another; that help may not be evident to either one. Think of a time when in talking to someone, a fresh idea or perspective emerged from the conversation. Or how you found out the name of someone you needed to contact. That's how detectives solve their mysteries. No one ever told Sherlock Holmes the right clue intentionally -- he deducted the value in information that was available, or he asked the right questions. Even the fact that you consider a specific person difficult can help you discern your own personality quirks. Why do you consider this person difficult in the first place?

4) Take responsibility for your own role in the conflictive situation. You didn't do it on purpose. If you had known better, you would have handled the person in a more careful manner. Most likely this other person is not being difficult to you on purpose (although it is possible that s/he is). Mayben you were not clear yourself at some point in the conflict. The point is not to beat up yourself for not being perfect, the point is to realize that everyone has his own drama on stage. The mere owning up to a minor role of responsibility will change the tenor of the relationship context, and communication with this person will improve.

From time to time, everyone plays the role of the witch, the dysfunctional, the hysterical, the overly sensitive, the angry person. Look for the good in your "adversary" and actively investigate this person for information that can help you. Assume more responsibility for turning this relationship around, and communication can only get better!